sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
