with your own penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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