My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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