you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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