Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
