the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
