I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
