4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
