i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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