Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
