i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
