just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
