Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
