Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
