we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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