Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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