remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
