I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
