I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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