Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
