Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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