and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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