I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
