i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
