Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
