belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
