her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just pee around me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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