Soap is not a condiment
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
