He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
