Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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