So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
