I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
