I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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