I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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