its not stalking. its research.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
