def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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