Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
