Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
