What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
