On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
