hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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