How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
