I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
