Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
