apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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