where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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