You work out of a Hotel?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
