Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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