No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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