but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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