She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
