I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
