i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
